Macy's Parade and holiday folies

I think mommy enjoyed the parade way more than baby. We also learned some valuable lessons on Thanksgiving involving logistics. Gourmet meals, a parade, thanksgiving dinner, and the Manhattan Bridge may not all mesh as planned. With this being one of the first holidays back in the states we really tried to do everything. The result was interesting to say the least. We arrived to thanksgiving dinner around 6 where apparently the official celebration had kicked off around 12. We were greeted with Happy New Year and we knew we were in the right place.




It loves kale chips.


While santa was greeted with high speculation, the grown man dressed as a tree (not pictured) scared the shit out of all of us.

Egyptian Nuffini

Where to begin...well to start lets talk about Fischer walking. The normal conversation begins something like this:
"Oh he is walking?" (Due to the fact Fischer normally is dressed like a boy.) This question is asked, despite the fact that they are actually viewing walking. - Random stranger
"Yes she is"
"How old is she?" - RS
"11 months"
"Wow, thats amazing". - RS
"Yes"
The weird part comes after this with the explanations of why their baby is not walking. It can be awkward given the amount of time that takes place past the 1 year mark. The longer = the weirder.

My next response to this weird post walking debacle will be the following - "Yeah she is walking, but we'ver really got our hopes up for flying."

Another funny thing is the shift of your identity from you to Fischer's daddy. I don't usually know where to look when these baby meetings take place. Normally all questions are addressed to you while they are staring at Fischer. It can be confusing to know what you are supposed to do. Do you use a fake Fischer voice and address them directly? Fake Fischer voice and go toddler directly? Or use a normal voice and respond back to the adult while starring slightly above the toddler's head and below the adults knees. I use all of these techniques.

Brooklyn Museum - Ancient Egyptian Fragments and Amulets




Straight from the tap.

WALRUS!

The walrus costume was a huge success. Everywhere we went it was a fan favorite.

The next photo here is our family dressed up for actual halloween. Renee is Gail Simmons from Top Chef and the Walrus is self explanatory. I stayed true to my own personal traditions of never having a costume ready until about 2 hours prior to needing to be somewhere. As I thought my trip to the basement would yield some great finds and materialize a costume, I was left almost empty handed. I pulled an old chain out of the ground that was probably circa 1900 and Renee begged me not to use it. If it wasn't for her amazing suggestion I probably would have been hauling the chain around park slope.

My costume was a new dad. Complete with nappy hair, bags under my eyes, pacifiers, fake dirty diapers, actually dirty bibs, bottles, wrinkled shirt, sweatpants, a lamb, and dress shoes.









Brooklyn has some killer parades put on the by the Center for Puppetry Arts.
Her first halloween parade.


Getting up in the action.


She loved the music so much she was charging into the center.


Ever seen a walrus get down?


While Bobofet and storm troopers loomed in the background she was fascinated by the music.


The final parade today on 7th Ave.

Fischerous erectus

So many things have happened since the last blog post. She took her first steps this week, brushed her own teeth, went to the zoo, and now dances. The dancing will be reserved for its own post.












Teaching her about college football. Don't worry, dad will show you what you really need to know.

Tornados and Grandmothers

While we took our first trip away from the Nuffin and were sailing at 30,000ft peacefully over the U.S. bound for Napa Valley. This is what was taking place in our neighborhood. As we landed on the runway in San Fran, I get the following text message from my mom. This is verbatim. "We are ok. Tornado hit park slope on way back from tot lot. Ditched into Joes. People hurt. Trees down. Backyard is a disaster. Repeat, we are ok."

Needless to say I had no idea what ditching into Joes meant but I was slightly concerned. This was the best footage of it. The language is either offensive or hilarious depending on your taste.




Aside from the natural disaster within hours of our departure the last couple weeks we had a back to back run of grandmother helpers. It was quite a revealing insight into our own upbringings.

Beth Moss - Taught her how to turn off and on the light. Taught her to shred paper. Fed her dinner while bathing in the sink. Let her eat adult toothpaste (not just the outside of the tube).

Mommy Maus - Bought her the first pair of real shoes. Would say "Cooperation" repeatedly during diaper change (in lieu of toothpaste distraction). Slight paranoia regarding potential hazards faced at the tot lot.





My method of extracting leaves from the mouth.





First time down the slide solo.

Swaddling Lesson & Windshield Wiper Tongue

This was the product of a swaddle lesson for Scott. As you can see, he was a natural.




Just add another funny noise to her repertoire.


Our new found obsession is the Garfield Tot Lot. More on this to come...

Throwing down some papa

with split pea soup.




Normally post milk, I go through all of her body parts in spanish. Its usually is a very relaxing pre-sleep ritual. Every time I get Renee to film it its pretty wild, nothing like the usual. This was the best footage I could get.



We have discovered a little gem in Prospect Park. Garfield Tot Lot. More to come.

1st Babysitter and an uncle sighting

No video or documentation exists of this disaster. Renee left for a Keane concert and told me the following:
Ok, the babysitter should be here at 6:30 for you.

What happened was the following:
Baby sitter who forgot to tell us she could no longer come calls in a Russian girl (Victoria) to take her place. She had been in New York for 3 days.
Victoria is on 6th Ave Manahttan at 6:45 not 6th Ave Brooklyn.
Torrey misses the first half of the Bway show.
We all return home to find out about the hilarious altercation between Lori and Victoria. Lori Lee returning from a 16hr work day at 11 o'clock was not allowed into the house to get any of her stuff after describing it in detail.

Renee then walks in the door and asks "so how was it"?

Fingernails over the head kind of gives her the willies.


The arrival of the Uncle (Fegrotaman) Why Fegrotaman? Well its just one of the many words that comprise his language. If you would ask him why he was called that, he would respond with "tuv day" (which translates to mean "whatever")

The Spanish Tongue

The noise that was once was used to describe pure torture now has come full circle. We have grown quite fond of it and have deemed it to be the Spanish Tongue. Cleary this ability to roll the Rs does not come from Renee or her Austrian decent (Which sounds like an awkward lion).



This new happy Spanish Tongue can be heard around bed time coupled with some serious excitement. This reminded me of how crazy bed time actually was growing up. It was the pinnacle of day. You brought out your biggest guns, anything to avoid actually going to sleep. I hope she doesn't suffer the same fate as me during nap times in early school days. My nap time in school days were 20 minutes of torture. It was a mix of wondering how the other kids were able to sleep, the crinkle of the cheap plastic mat, and trying to corrupt the closest sleeper to me.

I also remember a tactic of Steve Moss during later years which was to allow me to stay awake but only if I watched Cspan. 100% success rate.

The Angry Gargler? What is this noise?

Its rare to capture a noise or event at its peak, but that is precisely what this video is. I've struggled mightily to name this noise. I've explored everything from a slow motion secada to a gargling dog.





I'm making up stupid words and she has had enough with it.



This week we also started to look through nanny applications and beginning to hunt around for our final resting place. By admitting to a real estate broker that you are looking for an apartment to rent is one slight notch above vomiting on their shoes. I'm debating on starting the conversation off by saying, "Hey we're really sorry but we're looking for a rental place here in park slope".

On the nanny application front: There is no lack of entertainment when viewing the applications submitted on citysitter.com. Most sound like a first person account of life as a baby. "And I love to play inside and out, go the park, and make arts and crafts." -anonymous. Well I'm sure Fischer would love to join you as well.

Foot Slammin'

Foot Slammin'- these feet are uncontrollable during meals. She has kicked the high chair top off on multiple occasions.






She is now obsessed with climbing up. Doesn't really know what to do when she is up, but loves the pursuit.


Soft serve. Its when the food comes back out and reminds you of the ice cream at MacDonald's. (the 27 second mark). The best soft serves went undocumented in the first trials of food, but none the less this is a small cone.

Velociraptor

Good idea. Take photo of baby under a covered bridge in vermont.


Bad Idea. Realize that the rocks are not that soft.


Literally just a baby in a field.




We've finally arrived at our last place. To summarize our travels since May 5th have been:
Hermosa - San Jose Costa Rica
San Jose Costa Rica - Atlanta, GA
Atlanta - Columbus
Columbus - Atlanta
Atlanta - New York
New York (brooklyn) - New York (chelsea)
New York (chelsea) - North Bennington Vermont
Vermont - New York (chelsea)
New York (chelsea) - Brooklyn (Park Slope)

I think all this moving around has made the little one a little scared of being left behind. So just about 2 weeks after crawling, she starts trying to stand up and making this Velociraptor noise.





A great save.


The audio on this one is great and includes a Velociraptor noise.

the nomadic tribe

A previous correction from a former post saying that we would never move again. Since then we have moved again and are currently in Vermont. No not to live, but to wait out our next sublet. With each subsequent move, I look to see if Renee has made it both physically and mentally. I'm still holding strong to the claim that I'm giving her the gift of appreciation when we finally do get our own place.

For additional suggestions please email me.

A super special thanks to Eli, Scott, and Teri for offering up their digs in the name of the nomadic tribe.


The Indian


Morning dew in Vermont


Sweet Potato Happiness


After a long hard day of crawlin...

Fischer 2.0

Her look up for approval after taking her first crawl, brought us both to tears.


Hand games.


Bushy eyed one.


Top notch fart sounds coupled with laughter.

Finally some humor recognition

I barely caught this moment on video. It had me laughing in tears.


Like any good laugh or smile you just try to duplicate your comedy routine. Usually this unsuccessful attempt leaves you feeling stupid and a very serious small one peering into your eyes.

She also has been doing this funny talking thing now too. Its a mix of talking and biting. We live in constant fear of the thing called teething.

Brooklyn, the place where dreams come true.

Sweet, sweet sleep. It happened. We are logging 12 hours of uninterrupted night sleep.

The first time it happened I was so baffled in the morning that neither of us had gotten up that I almost didn't believe it. We spent roughly the next 15 minutes quizzing each other and making sure that what we had thought happened actually did. This was followed up shortly by high fives.

New weird mouth thing towards the end of the video. Its almost like talking but sans sound.


And the boys have already started showing off. He's throwing down a pretty good game of falling back and she seemed to like it.


One Sleepy bottle.

Out of the wild

We made it! We will not be moving for the next 72 years.

Our arrival to New York initially wasn't how anyone envisioned it. The video documentation has been banned from publishing here by Renee. Our car service stranded us at the airport and we had to wait about an hour for another one. Renee was reluctantly forced to breastfeed in the Laguaria parking lot while Fischer was wildly pumping lamb covered feet. Footage lost in the name of love.

The New York entry I had envisioned materialized the next night as I was standing in Madison Square Garden with friends watching Pearl Jam. YES!

This is one wild animal we brought back with us. This is sleepy singing. Sustained movement would keep this beast singing theoretically forever. When movement stops, beware of the high notes.



Our square mouthed crier meets an oval mouthed crier. The result is pure sadness.


She also got to meet a couple Great Grandparents. 4 Generations.

No Sleep till Brooklyn

I've basically been saving this for about 4 months before breaking it out here. Although much more appropriate in prior months, our most recent sleep hurdles have come by way of baby monitor malfunction.

Endangered species - Blue Elephants



From the eyes of the predator.



This video does contain some funny clips but for me the gold is in the audio.



Really good seeing some old friends this past weekend.

Los Estados Unidos

We're baaaaaaaaaaaaack.

The journey back was just as crazy as suspected. The plan was to have a nice relaxing morning and get to the airport early. Things started to come unraveled when Fischer decided to start pushing up and looking out of the top of the bassinet. She looked like a little baby para-scope and was locked and loaded on mommy and daddy.



My sleepy state did not not help the situation by only offering up duck and cover techniques. So after multiple crying episodes and not much sleep it was time for her 5:30 wake up time.

She was exhausted so we thought we would just let her sleep in the room. As we have found out 2 exhausted parents and one well-rested baby definitely trumps the inverse. As Fischer Moss rested soundly in the room sleeping until 10:30 we sat outside held captive by the small mullet headed fisher. We sat on this weird chair with bloodshot eyes, un-showered, unable to enter our room where 2 large comfortable beds were empty.

This risky attempt, that almost made us miss our flight, paid off hugely when we successfully logged the whole 4 hour flight without a peep from Fischer. We had completely ran out of tricks just before landing.

Things settled down a bit in Columbus where some precious cargo was being moved.


And we even got a glimpse of things to come with our new nanny.


A fairly successful international move.

general torture, a birthday, and a 21 gun salute to alfalfa hairs

This blog post will be a little short as we are in the final stages of the packing. We're off to Georgia on Wed.

A notable change this week was the loss of the permanent alfalfa hairs. These hairs remained at full mast for over 4 months. Some parents may never experience this because their use of a what some people call a brush.



Happy birthday Renee, your present is my elastic bottom lip. Also while searching the video camera I discovered Renee had about 6 out-takes of this happy birthday video in English and Spanish. Hence torture in the title.



Our last amphibious trip to Punta Leona.

Beware of Face Eaters

This week was an amazing breakthrough. If you get the story from Renee we let her cry it out and Ferberized the little Fischer Moss. However the truth is that it was the first time where noises were made and no one immediately sprinted to her. Renee had been having a really tough time lately and came to me out of desperation needing help.

After thinking long and hard about the factors at play I couldn't help but remember her extensive history of animal training. When people and small children would come over to her house before we were together the cat would stalk and bite people repeatedly. Renee's reaction was normally something like - "I don't know he's rotten". When asked about her dog she had (Buck), the response was usually - "He was a nightmare, he pretty much ran my life".

So here we go
Night 1- Place Fischer in the crib, run away. Crying pretty hard on and off for about an hour and 15 min. Maybe as fathers, we just aren't effected the same way from the crying. Renee was in tears and also googling various psychology websites for the long-term psychological damage we were potentially doing. I was doing my best to fend off all possible obscure scenarios for hunger or gas Renee was throwing at me. Just before we broke down and went in to free her, our neighbor Andrea knocked on the door. Our Savior. This made us wait the critical 2 more minutes which was all little Fischer Moss needed to go to sleep.

Night 2-
Place Fischer in the crib, run away. Cried for only 30 minutes.

Night 3-
Place Fischer in the crib, run away. No crying, straight to sleep. Fiesta Time.


FACE EATER


Laugh #2 still a rare event- this is laugh 2 of only 2.

A sleepy terrorist

Just when you thought you had all the documents you need to leave this place in comes the Permiso de Salida. A beautifully crafted concept that can only be fumbled by the CR government. If you leave Costa Rica with a baby less than 2 years you must have this document to fly, even if you have matching passports. However to get the permiso you must first get a U.S. Passport. Required document - Original Birth certificate. Check.

So here we all are at Migracion (Immigration) to get the Permiso, first question was I now need the original birth certificate. Of course we explained that the U.S. Embassy took it. I then had to go back to the Registro Civil to get another original. Our biggest problem was trying to make it to the Registro and back before the Migracion closed (our entire reason for this San Jose trip). I was not happy about this or the lost opportunity to debate the concept of multiple originals with the government workers (isn't that copy?). As the day progressed we found ourself back in the park (where the hilarious diaper change took place reposted below)




staring at monsoon thunderstorm heading in while trying to shield Renee's boob from the general public. It all ended ok when we slipped back into Migracion just before they closed. Like most CR activities there are some redeeming qualities. One being the guard who sprinted across the parking lot to hold the umbrella over Fischer as we ran in.

Now back to some relaxin.

Public enemy #1 and #2

This week marked yet another reminder that you should burn any and all literature that uses the word "should" when referring to baby developmental milestones. Not only will you not be there but you will probably reverse direction. Just when we had reached a point where we desperately needed some redemption sleep, ICE to the rescue. Boasting 2 consecutive nights with power outages.

In the middle of this post I was reminded of something far more interesting while talking with Elijah and Raina. I had lost a past post which was on the names of the baby had Fischer been a boy. I must preface my list by saying that they were selected with an attempt to find obscure names that would be cool. However not even 4 months later my names list was resurrected and I saw the error in my ways. Here was my list which had me rolling with laughter.
Caelen
Torrey
Dempsey
Taro
Sy
Sidney
Royce
Osei

Thank God Renee was there to veto most of these.

I'll leave you with my all time favorite name I found while searching for names. Lisimba. It means one who is attached by a lion.

This week we also had her first laugh at the hands of Elijah. Although I was a little sad the first laugh wasn't at me, after further video review I had to admit what he was doing was really funny and actually made me laugh. The laugh has not been able to be replicated so this is the only footage of this rare event.

Replicas (Tito & Fischer)

The man formerly and falsely named Pop-Pop is now officially "Tito".

When I used to joke about my dad having a replica in Danny Milam I didn't know that this would be trumped by my daughter. The two together are classic. You can even see in the first video of the meeting she is trying to figure out who he is.

Fatherly Advice given to me by him when we found out Renee was pregnant.
1.Don't F with a pregnant women.
2.She's going to get big, but she ain't going to get real big.

Both of which are equally true as they are funny.

Here is the meeting of the replicas


The coveted feet are now reachable and pretty much occupy all her time.


Rockin out w/ Tito





We were all sad to see Tito go.