Monday, December 5, 2011

Turkish GetDowns



Through these seemingly innocent rows of lit beauty, lurked Mordor wrapped in tinsel. The idea proposed by grandma was a nice walk through Fantasy and lights. However a few key details were left out. As we were making our way to the gardens piled 6 deep in a pick-up truck (South Ga style), I realized there was a wagon in the back of the truck.

Why is there a wagon back there? says I.
So we can pull Fischer around. -Grandma
Oh I thought we drove this.
No we walk it. Its amazing they only allow you to this one night a year. (7:30pm) -Grandma

After the first 4.5 miles we all were starting to tire a bit. The infant (toddler actually) was going strong. Seemingly drawing from the energy source emitted from each light. With each passing theme my praying to return to the sardine packed truck. Finally freedom reared its head just as I blitzed through the horrifying icicle lights. A man, buses, a line we made it. (10:30)

You can wait here but its going to take a while. You can walk the rest, its about 2 miles. - Satan

Total walk > 7 miles. Arrival time = Midnight. Total lights seen = unknown. Total of times this even will be repeated without wheels and an engine = 0.




0% chance this bird was grown naturally.


Typical Forced family photo that somehow made the blog.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween

We went from a Walrus last year to Elmo. Cuteness levels as expected were off the chart.

A typical house went as followed...
"Ok ring the doorbell"
Door opens...
"Say trick or treat"
Hand goes into the bag selecting only one piece of candy.
"Open" -wanting us to open the candy for her to eat.
Then she wraps it up by saying "Boom Box".
This really puts us in an awkward situation having to explain why she says this phrase and the ever so more awkward situation of saying "Boom box" around older white people.

Some Halloween highlights:

Fischer telling people "no mas" when trying to put more candy into her bag.

Renee verbally battling and attempting to coerce a women to putt in a Butterfinger bar into Fischer's bag (for herself not Fischer) which cleary the women wanted for herself.

Just general good candy selection. Every house here in Westchester would have been the highlights of my childhood neighborhood. Here you can't give a Peanut butter cup away. Lets just say Hunter's Point was chalk full of the worst Halloween candy ever...the orange and blacks.










Saturday, September 24, 2011

Return to the Noffin

Getting back in the saddle after a brief stint of travels and a move to Tarrytown. A super special thanks to Beth Moss for her indentured servitude ;)

Recent happenings-
Fischer now says "I luv you". However in true Fischer Moss fashion she doles this out to a visitor first before Renee or I. Lori Lee was the recipient of the inaugural I love you. Of course we really wanted to be the first, but I couldn't help but laugh and think back to how Elijah got the first laugh. Biting the foot and making this ridiculous face & noise...thinking back to it, actually it was funny. Quite contrary to my overbearing weird 1st time parent comedy routine. crickets...

Tonight we retired a couple of baby toilets. The odd part about them is that she did use them that much (a handful of poops and pees). She prefers to pony up on the big toilet. We got a few poops in there but we should be yielding a much higher cost per dookie.

Leaving Brooklyn.



Traveling to Emerald Isle, NC


The man pictured here refused to read an infant a book.



Unrelated to this blog, but very relevant for life in general. This south Georgia man finds some shade. Items needed: Budweiser, Jumper Cables, 1970s umbrella, and a smile.



Wilkens Farm, NY. Some apples picked, but many more eaten.






Bubblin' in Montauk

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Pack n Play retirement



Pack and Play - fully equipped with teeth marks...

After about 510 (Night sleeps) roughly 900 or so naps, we felt it was time to upgrade to what some loosely refer to as a crib. Sturdy and made of wood or other space age materials this roofless jail can house larger Neanderthals. Our Neanderthal was getting quite big and testing the structural integrity of Chicco Pack n Play. This "could" have been one of those embarrassing lingering pieces of parenthood. In all honesty it was just a left over fear stemming from those early sleepless nights. With so many variables and changes the one thing we knew for sure was that there were no problems with her bed.

Originally I really wanted to make this a really funny post about the pack and play which Fischer has slept in her entire life. It was quite an emotional day as Renee and I both realized that we no longer have a baby. Recent montra "We cry every day". While re-reading this we cried again.




Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter!

You're supposed to eat chocolate until you throw up. - Renee (When asked about Easter)





Momma bird - baby bird in the afternoon.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Nanny New Business












Delia (our nanny) has decided to really ramp up her new business strategy. In nanny terms what that means is telling Renee and I she is having dreams about Renee being pregnant and having another girl. This is coupled with the fact that we have just recently graduated to the parenting phase which I call phase 2 – I can actually begin to fathom how two people can two babies. I can’t see it for myself, but I’ve seen others survive such encounters and at least on the surface seem to have no visible signs of scarring.

To be fair, I only know 3 phases as of now. They are probably best described in relation to Ace Ventura 2. See here for a refresher

Phase 1 - 1 Dart. I call this the Highlander Phase. There can be only one. Just strolling along and all of a sudden a shrimp is in someone’s abdomen. Brace yourself!

Phase 2 - 2 Darts. I can begin to see the realm of possibilities how two people could procreate 2 times and survive such experiences. Movement is slowed along with brain and other critical functions.

Phase 3 - 3 Darts. 3 babies. You are outnumbered. Seems more like a theory than anything. All activities in your life now become centered around inputs or outputs of food. Clothing optional, the more tribal the better. Sanity also optional see Beth and Steve Moss for a first hand account of such encounters.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

New vocabulary

My apologies as the music in these videos are a side effect of pandora radio. I promise unintentional. Although if you feel the need to cry during the acoustic GnR while she flips through her own scrap book, then I'll permit it.

Hat Action


Scrap Book


Some coloring action


A typical breakfast


Fischer's vocabulary:
That = (daaaadt) While pointing a finger and wanting to know what it is.
Up = (uuuuhhhhhp) To be picked up.
Dad = (Dada) To cause extreem embarrassment to single men.

She'll also say:
Yes, Wow, Bow-wow. But none of these even remotely come close to good monkey noise.

Also I'll have to update a situation regarding the alleged potty usage incident. I went down for the usual bath time ritual to find there was indeed a yellow liquid in the baby potty. Despite her happiness for this apparent first toilet usage all fingers are still pointing to Renee as the culprit. I also was told by multiple people that photographing the urine in the toilet was weird. This desire is nowhere near the weirdest thing I am capable of.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Snow? The jury is still out...



The snow really has yet to become anyones element in this family. After the first snow I took the morning off of to enjoy the snow with Fischer. After the near 30minute ordeal to get her dressed (think Randy from "A Christmas Story") I realized that I myself wasn't dressed. Once we all got outside I saw my mental image of us frolicking in the snow melting away. She was pretty scared of the snow (which was about half her height). I decided that the best course of action was to just plop her down in the middle and let her play. Result? She went down like cut timber.

Snow Update:
Now that part/some of the snow has begun to melt I've realized that she doesn't hate snow. She hates clean snow. She will not touch the beautiful, fluffy, new snow. She likes the rocky road flavor. Packed with vitamins and minerals that only NYC sidewalks and dog feces can produce. It's a 6th sense, that reveals to her not only the grossest item within range, but also the one that I hope she hasn't spotted.












Sunday, January 9, 2011

the 1 Year Old and a trusty steed.

Quite a different setting this year verses last. Fischer's 1 year old birthday celebration called for us do break out the big guns... The setting was none other than Marlowe Drive - Columbus, GA. That’s where things like this can happen at any moment.


Also this...


You will not be watching the 4 min long birthday video of a baby eating cake. Just take my word for it. It looks just as it sounds.

A ghost from Xmass past - So the back story on this is that it was an actual gift from my grandfather when I was 14. Not as a joke, a real gift. Renee placed it on my suitcase one night and all I could see was the dim light reflecting off its eyes. It still haunts my dreams.



Renee and I finally took a trip sans Fischer. This was a repeat of a past new years, appropriately deemed "Trailer Trash New Years". It pretty much consisted of us cooking ridiculous meals, shucking oysters, and drinking margaritas. Not to leave out the highlight of something called sleeping in... I was just downright giddy. We did some really crazy things like watch 2 movies in a row and leave our trailer at will.



A crazy mother shucker.




Blanket swingin


4 Generations present and accounted for...

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