Somebody is chuncky

We just returned back from our 2nd to last appointment before the birth. This Nuffer has been beefing up for winter. He/She is now approaching 6lbs already. The head is about 2 weeks above the rest of the body. Oops. I blame the Cassard pirate genes.

This trip also marked probably the biggest decision in this brief Nuffer history. The juxtaposition of meeting Uva (more to come later) and our doctor was eye opening. We were set to meet our doctor around 3 and Uva before. After spending the hour and half in an incense filled, octagon shaped room with Uva it was undeniably clear that we were about to change up our doctor at month 8 for this hilarious German midwife. She was what we were looking for since the beginning. She has over 500 births under her belt (or purple German pants) whichever you prefer.

Renee was a little worried of the doctor's reaction to our decision. As she told him he interjected "Oh is it Uva?" well she is great. She has tons of experience he told us and that she works with another top notch surgeon here at Cima. He was completely in favor of our decision and it was honestly a great relief to have our decision confirmed. Every time in the most meakest manner the doctor would ask her to be weighed. Post appointment she would ask me "And can you believe him?" He was yelling about me about my weight. I thought could this be like Lost where I'm on a another time plane and have actually been in a parellel universe? Because surely I missed this verbal abuse. I normally defended the doctor and would explain to Renee that he was just making sure the weight was in check and that it was more for health concerns. Also he never really did yell. I found interesting parallels between mentioning a pregnant woman's weight gain during pregnancy and mentioning the possibility of chemical imbalances. There is no way possible that either of these outlandish theories could possibly explain the current situation. I think this doctor confirmation and support also gave Renee a new respect for the doctor up until the point at which he said, "Ok lets get on the scale and see how much you ate in the States" I laughed and thought Doc your ass is on your own.

Cravings (part 2) - Maine

Lobsters- I am sorry for the tragedy we have inflicted on your people. As the picture suggests we rivaled the popular food chain Red Lobster in consumption for our stay in Maine. I soon found out the only way to hear a women say "I can't eat another lobster" is if they have consumed only lobster for 4 straight meals.

Maine was a great last trip for us pre-Nuffer. I was not aware that we participating in something called a Baby Moon. This was slightly distressing for 2 reasons. 1. I didn't think of the name. 2. 3rd Tri-mester romance is easier on paper. We spent 2 Nights in Bar Harbor Maine and then 1 night in Camden. Maine finally cooled Renee off, but it wasn't until we reached the top of Cadillac Mountain (the highest point on the east coast of the US).

Baby blog editing- Another side ritual of the baby blog is for Renee to try to sneak in and preview / edit all the photos I post. If she misses the impromptu editing during the post she tries to eliminate photos later. In my attempts to both entertain and document this historical event I am certainly jeopardizing my safety. The hilarious photo above shows what a pregnant person must do to eliminate back pain. This event was actually back in Boston on a crowded street and had me keeled over from laughter. Picture that position while in weird pregnancy pain but she didn't realize there was a small atm behind her where a guy was trying to get out of. The photos looks like she is squatting on the side of the road. I tried to document this event 3 times on video but Renee was much to wise.

Cravings (part 1) - Vermont /Boston

I'm 90% sure this is not the real Ben Franklin.

I was astounded when I realized that I think cravings have now crossed another dimension. Vermont provided us with a two fold opportunity to cross off 2 of 3 highly coveted cravings. The first which you might have heard was pumpkins and their descendants. This quickly morphed into eating anything fall related.
Pumpkins - Lattes (spiced and other), Pie
Apples - Pie, Cobble, weird B & B casseroles, Cider, donut

However these were to be expected, all but the shocker was the cold. I soon realized that we also were there to cool this pregnant person. While I was freezing in the sub 50 degree weather, Renee was making noises and running outside with no coat.

The video was taken from the Apple Barn (a ridiculously corny roadside stand) selling overpriced apple products to pregnant people. As you can see I was enjoying my time. The highlight came when we stumbled upon a semi-annual high stakes bingo tournament. Needless to say I made many Bingo faux pas but I thought we really needed to show some highlights.

Getting my foot dabbed.
Luck Trolls.
Almost winning 2K on a coverall.

Another Milestone

Today marked the day that I had to start helping Renee out with her shoes. When I finished putting them on and tying them she says the cutest thing ever. "Are you going to double knot them?" This felt like Captain Pickard had just warped us into hyper drive till I will have to tie the Nueffer's shoes. So once the shoes were on we were off to check out the city of Boston.

Renee's decisions are usually based around availability. I would like to issue Pumpkins and Lobsters a terrorist alert red. Also the city itself was partially selected due to climate. It was 50 degrees when we left and she was outside with a t-shirt making this noise of enjoyment. I was in 3 layers.

One other interesting thing about pregnancy is pillows. I thought that we where already at max capacity for pillows before pregnancy, but I was very wrong. As you can see by the photo that another body pillow was purchased for this trip. Now that is not so bad, but when we got our bags at the airport we had to wait another 15 minutes for a checked body pillow wrapped in plastic bags. At the same time a women comes behind us with wailing twins. I used to travel with a carry on.

These new bedtime friends presents a new way that I have to enter the bed. Its kind of like bed Tetris. I place one L - leg in there, try to put the weird two level block arm in around these things. You know when you have compromised the integrity of the system when you hear some "Hey what are you doing?". Once inside this contraption you will realize that it is designed to immobilize everyone involved. Night Night.

A monkey revisited...

This week was the ceremonial baby shower. This also gave me the opportunity to reflect back on some past moments during the pregnancy. I remembered a huge part of the early pregnancy partially based on this photo from the shower. I remembered the monkey. The delivery of the monkey calling/sighting is just as important as the actually event. A "Monkey" is when your Wifefriend awakes between the hours of 2-4 am and starts eating bananas. These monkeys were particularly abundant early on and have now been making a comeback during this final trimester. The only way to properly corral a monkey is to identify it by muttering monkey (munnnnnnnnnngkeeeeeeeeee). If you can't see a monkey it is easy to identify by sound. It sounds kind of like a T-Rex walking through a tar pit. You know when you have identified a monkey properly by a slight giggle and bed re-entry.

You may be thinking that these monkeys are comical, but let me assure you during the monkey's early stages of development they will experiment with many types of foods. The worst food in a monkey's diet for the mate is salted crackers. These young monkeys will tear through about 6 or 7 packs between midnight and 5 am and it sounds like someone is stealing your Christmas tree. One morning I woke up expecting to find an entire box eaten. However not a trace remained. These highly evolved monkeys instinctively cover their tracts and verbally deny any and all recollections of these events.

Guest star appearance

Finally we have received our first actual view of this little alien disturbance. She decided to show her face a little for the 3d/4d ultrasound. The excitement is definitely building and we have just attended our birthing class here in Atlanta. This provided me with a much needed dry run of what was going to happen. We did a very interesting exercise with an ice pack for Renee to hold so she could practice on the relaxation and not the feeling of the ice pack in her hand. This let me try to freeze her when the teacher wasn’t looking and to try to cool her body down as she normally hovers around the temperature of the sun. I couldn’t help but think that the class could have been taught with some realism during an actual birth. I think that it’s really important to expose yourself to the random stream of profanities that you haven’t encountered since middle school.

My favorite part was learning the transitions in the phases of labor. More specifically that the women’s face is just as much as indicator as the interval between contractions. This began to scare me as the large portion of labor involves faces that mimic the exorcist. Even further on, the faces change again and really not for the better. In the last phase of labor the eyes were crossed and the cartoon mouth was jagged like a Halloween pumpkin. I turned to Renee and said that my whole life I have been conditioned to run when I see a face like that and now I have to rub its back. Bob Dylan you were right. The times are a changing.

When pregnancy becomes dangerous...

A special thanks to the Nuffer for making so many hormones this week and making Renee crazy. Either spankings or I'm going to chop off your umbilical chord. Post birth of course.

Despite the numerous weird ailments, pregnancy can be dangerous for the partner. I did have one recent almost heart attack this week when Renee had told me we were leaving on Monday and not Tuesday. After she assured me that this was the correct day I then came to realize that her statistical margin for error on days has been extended from 0 to now +/- 1.

Best dialogue of the week.
R-"Our water pump isn't working right?"
T- "I turned it on, but I don't think its coming on."
R- "Yeah its broken or needs to be reset"
T- "Did they show you a reset switch?"
R- "I'm sure there is one, there are all those wires hanging out the top just tug on those".

Goodbye cruel world.

In all honesty I have to say that I am proud of Renee. Although I make countless jokes about her having to wake up at 5:20 to be at the trainer at 6:30, she still is trucking along. Going to the trainer 3 days a week and doing yoga for 2. Pretty impressive as she is out of the bed before me most days of the week.

We take our pregnancy antics to U.S. soil this week.