I got it!

I had to take advantage of a rare moment to document this. I can only imagine this collateral being replayed on a loop. Definitely mirror and closet activated. Skinny jeans? Mine are just blue.

The feets

Every night no matter where I am, I am ambushed by "the feets". Let me bring you up to speed on the background on the feets. The feets, due to pregnancy edema, are swollen. I (the person who has caused this) rub the feets. The cream or as I call it "Oils and Lubricants" normally ambushes me every night. The lubricant is strategically placed around the house in the common areas. I have many times sat down on the couch and been sneak attacked by the lubricant. It sometimes will be wrapped in blankets, nestled in the corner, or in the bed. The funniest of which is the latter.

One all to common scenario is when I think that Renee has forgotten about the feets. I will be crawling into bed in complete darkness and will lay my head down smack on top of the oils and lubricants. Normally this makes me laugh because its so ridiculous that my bed is booby trapped by this impostor lubricant sleeping on my pillow. Also its so strategically positioned that you could actually think that the lubricant is actually sleeping there and you are the impostor. It usually cracks me up and I say "what in gods name is this lubricant doing in my bed".

The feets also are there own entity entirely separate from Renee. I like to think of them as if they have acquired some sort of AI. Since I rub the feet every night, I must know what to do when the foot is placed on me. These feet are all to wise to ignore. If ignored they will wiggle, disrupt vision, and grind into your back. This whole cat and mouse game always ends with the feets being rubbed and me trying to not use any lubricant.

I have used the following excuses.
It will ruin the couch.
No, no lubricant tonight.
My wrist hurts.
I can't find the lubricant. This is the same as when I hide the lubricant. There are always backups.

After conceding I usually will yell out. "And every night I rub the feets", in voice that is kind of a mix of Braveheart and Silence of the Lambs. And thus commences the 252 nd foot rub of the pregnancy.

Villas Caletas Sunday Brunch

This weekend we ducked into Caletas for a must needed relaxing Sunday. Renee has just now started having trouble sleeping and has sought out such aides as frozen pees, washcloths, frozen washcloths, tiger balm, and an ungodly amount of pillows. I walked into the living room and saw her sleeping in what could have been construed as the couch equivalent to a straight jacket.

Sleep holds only one option for us now and to describe it in words is virtually impossible. The finale of the sleep position involves a hand that lays across my face and jumps around through the night. Additionally sleep can involve noises if you weren't already resting in this dream Utopia. Renee also can make wolf noises during the night. I'm not joking.

Somebody is chuncky

We just returned back from our 2nd to last appointment before the birth. This Nuffer has been beefing up for winter. He/She is now approaching 6lbs already. The head is about 2 weeks above the rest of the body. Oops. I blame the Cassard pirate genes.

This trip also marked probably the biggest decision in this brief Nuffer history. The juxtaposition of meeting Uva (more to come later) and our doctor was eye opening. We were set to meet our doctor around 3 and Uva before. After spending the hour and half in an incense filled, octagon shaped room with Uva it was undeniably clear that we were about to change up our doctor at month 8 for this hilarious German midwife. She was what we were looking for since the beginning. She has over 500 births under her belt (or purple German pants) whichever you prefer.

Renee was a little worried of the doctor's reaction to our decision. As she told him he interjected "Oh is it Uva?" well she is great. She has tons of experience he told us and that she works with another top notch surgeon here at Cima. He was completely in favor of our decision and it was honestly a great relief to have our decision confirmed. Every time in the most meakest manner the doctor would ask her to be weighed. Post appointment she would ask me "And can you believe him?" He was yelling about me about my weight. I thought could this be like Lost where I'm on a another time plane and have actually been in a parellel universe? Because surely I missed this verbal abuse. I normally defended the doctor and would explain to Renee that he was just making sure the weight was in check and that it was more for health concerns. Also he never really did yell. I found interesting parallels between mentioning a pregnant woman's weight gain during pregnancy and mentioning the possibility of chemical imbalances. There is no way possible that either of these outlandish theories could possibly explain the current situation. I think this doctor confirmation and support also gave Renee a new respect for the doctor up until the point at which he said, "Ok lets get on the scale and see how much you ate in the States" I laughed and thought Doc your ass is on your own.

Cravings (part 2) - Maine

Lobsters- I am sorry for the tragedy we have inflicted on your people. As the picture suggests we rivaled the popular food chain Red Lobster in consumption for our stay in Maine. I soon found out the only way to hear a women say "I can't eat another lobster" is if they have consumed only lobster for 4 straight meals.

Maine was a great last trip for us pre-Nuffer. I was not aware that we participating in something called a Baby Moon. This was slightly distressing for 2 reasons. 1. I didn't think of the name. 2. 3rd Tri-mester romance is easier on paper. We spent 2 Nights in Bar Harbor Maine and then 1 night in Camden. Maine finally cooled Renee off, but it wasn't until we reached the top of Cadillac Mountain (the highest point on the east coast of the US).

Baby blog editing- Another side ritual of the baby blog is for Renee to try to sneak in and preview / edit all the photos I post. If she misses the impromptu editing during the post she tries to eliminate photos later. In my attempts to both entertain and document this historical event I am certainly jeopardizing my safety. The hilarious photo above shows what a pregnant person must do to eliminate back pain. This event was actually back in Boston on a crowded street and had me keeled over from laughter. Picture that position while in weird pregnancy pain but she didn't realize there was a small atm behind her where a guy was trying to get out of. The photos looks like she is squatting on the side of the road. I tried to document this event 3 times on video but Renee was much to wise.

Cravings (part 1) - Vermont /Boston

I'm 90% sure this is not the real Ben Franklin.

I was astounded when I realized that I think cravings have now crossed another dimension. Vermont provided us with a two fold opportunity to cross off 2 of 3 highly coveted cravings. The first which you might have heard was pumpkins and their descendants. This quickly morphed into eating anything fall related.
Pumpkins - Lattes (spiced and other), Pie
Apples - Pie, Cobble, weird B & B casseroles, Cider, donut

However these were to be expected, all but the shocker was the cold. I soon realized that we also were there to cool this pregnant person. While I was freezing in the sub 50 degree weather, Renee was making noises and running outside with no coat.

The video was taken from the Apple Barn (a ridiculously corny roadside stand) selling overpriced apple products to pregnant people. As you can see I was enjoying my time. The highlight came when we stumbled upon a semi-annual high stakes bingo tournament. Needless to say I made many Bingo faux pas but I thought we really needed to show some highlights.

Getting my foot dabbed.
Luck Trolls.
Almost winning 2K on a coverall.

Another Milestone

Today marked the day that I had to start helping Renee out with her shoes. When I finished putting them on and tying them she says the cutest thing ever. "Are you going to double knot them?" This felt like Captain Pickard had just warped us into hyper drive till I will have to tie the Nueffer's shoes. So once the shoes were on we were off to check out the city of Boston.

Renee's decisions are usually based around availability. I would like to issue Pumpkins and Lobsters a terrorist alert red. Also the city itself was partially selected due to climate. It was 50 degrees when we left and she was outside with a t-shirt making this noise of enjoyment. I was in 3 layers.

One other interesting thing about pregnancy is pillows. I thought that we where already at max capacity for pillows before pregnancy, but I was very wrong. As you can see by the photo that another body pillow was purchased for this trip. Now that is not so bad, but when we got our bags at the airport we had to wait another 15 minutes for a checked body pillow wrapped in plastic bags. At the same time a women comes behind us with wailing twins. I used to travel with a carry on.

These new bedtime friends presents a new way that I have to enter the bed. Its kind of like bed Tetris. I place one L - leg in there, try to put the weird two level block arm in around these things. You know when you have compromised the integrity of the system when you hear some "Hey what are you doing?". Once inside this contraption you will realize that it is designed to immobilize everyone involved. Night Night.